conquer picky eating for teens and adults, what “conquer” means to you

When we were mulling over the title of our book for teens and adults, we hit on the word  “conquer.” Conquer Picky Eating for Teens and AdultsConquer is a bold word, and one that we invite you to define in a way that works for you.  conquer: to overcome, get the better of, control, master, get a grip on, deal with, cope with, surmount, rise above, get over; quell, quash, beat, triumph over As we write in the book: “Success” with eating looks different for different people. Some of you may turn into “foodies” down the road, and others will learn to enjoy enough foods to eat out comfortably, or you might add a handful of foods to round out basic nutritional needs. Why not reach for the stars? You might not have to settle for slogging through meals, or having to chase every bite with a slurp of soda or a piece of candy as you may have been told. For some, taking eating from a negative experience to at least neutral (or not unpleasant) may be enough.” What does “conquer” mean to you? What do you hope to rise above, triumph over, or deal with in terms of your relationship with food?    order now Share this...

Giving Your Teen a Self-help Book About Picky/Selective Eating

Maybe you’ve given up hope. Maybe you decided fighting over every bite wasn’t worth it so your teen fixes a bowl of cereal or you pick up a plain burger and fries on the way home from work most nights. Maybe you are still trying the bribes, rewards, nagging, punishment tactics you’ve been doing for years.Maybe you eat dinner alone and your teen eats and texts in their room.Now there’s a new book, Conquer Picky Eating for Teens and Adults. We want your teen to have this book, that’s why we wrote it after all. We’ve heard from parents who are planning to buy this book for their teen. We’re glad… but we advise caution. For those of you who have read our first book (Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating,  geared towards parents of younger children) you’ll know we review that for most selective eaters, pressure to eat, even rewards and praise, doesn’t work.So, how can you approach this topic of picky eating without your teen feeling it as pressure?  “It is normal for teens to seek independence from parents and this may include rejecting parental suggestions.”Erin VandenLangenberg PhD Ideally, we want teens to come to this work with their own motivations, to feel ready to take control of the process; to explore their past around eating, why they might have had picky eating that persisted beyond what is common for half of their peers. Turns out, temperament can play a big part. We’ve worked with countless families who shared how wonderfully independent and strong-willed their children could be (okay, they didn’t always say “wonderfully”) but you get the...

A Journey to Healing and Growth: One Mother’s Telling

Bethany’s Journal: Amari’s Journey of Healing   Amari, age two, was adopted at age 14 months from Ethiopia and initially had some hoarding behaviors. After being home for about a year, her eating changed dramatically, with no identifiable cause. While underlying medical causes were being evaluated, Bethany needed help. The following are excerpts from Bethany’s notes and emails on the first few months during the transition from an anxious/pressured feeding relationship to one focused on routine, avoiding pressure, and healing anxiety. This post is largely excerpted from Katja’s first book Love Me, Feed Me,  focused on adoptive and fostering families. Bethany used responsive, trust-based philosophies expanded upon in the STEPS+ approach in our book, Helping Your Child with Extreme Picky Eating. This post is for informational purposes, and not meant to replace care of the individual child.   February 10, day one: A few months ago, she started to get pickier and ate less and less, eventually eating about five bites at each meal and down to two cups of milk a day and gaining nothing. She would pocket and take an hour to finish those bites. In one year home, she grew four inches and gained only nine ounces . . . We saw a nutritionist who told us how to sneak calories into her food. We saw a speech pathologist who determined that the issue was “psych” and barely glanced at her. In the last week, Amari has gotten SO much worse. She hardly drinks 1 and a half cups of milk/day, drinks nothing else, and takes about three bites at meals. I can force feed her more, but she gags constantly and...

What is “Responsive” Feeding Therapy?

Responsive feeding therapy is facilitating (re)discovery of internal cues, curiosity and strengths, while building skills (mastery).   “You don’t teach development, development is discovery.” Serena Wieder PhD (video on DIR Floortime)   Responsive therapies respond to each child, meeting the child where he or she is, not following a strict protocol without deviation.         By necessity, this occurs within a relationship. The primary is between the parent and the child, otherwise known as the “feeding relationship.” (Satter, Chatoor…)     Responsive feeding and feeding therapies also happen in relationship between the child and any adult feeding or providing food and meals to the child, and with any therapists involved in more formal therapies.     “Happiness is the most important factor at mealtimes and in therapy programs to help children develop feeding skills.” Suzanne Evans Morris SLP PhD Therapist and author, Pre-Feeding Skills     What do you think? What do responsive feeding therapies mean to you? Share this...

Feeding Therapy Approaches Differ When Children Struggle to Eat: Find the Right Help for Your Family

The article, When Your Baby Won’t Eat chronicles the heartbreak and triumph of one family’s journey with pediatric feeding struggles. The author and mother shares some of the confusion around finding the right help for her family. Virginia Sole-Smith writes, “Do you try to correct the behavior- training a child to eat well –Pavlov Style- or do you try to rediscover that primal urge and trust her to take it from there? It’s a divisive question among the doctors and therapists who work with children like Violet, as well as a debate unfolding consciously or not, around most kitchen tables in the country.” Feeding therapy programs differ; from the ABA, or applied behavioral approach on one end of the spectrum (the Pavlovian approach) where adults may hold a child’s hands down, may use “gentle mandibular guidance” and “escape extinction,” to a more responsive approach where the child’s reactions and behaviors are not viewed as behaviors to eliminate, but as vital communication and clues to guide treatment. Confusing for parents is that many treatment programs, even with opposing approaches, sound the same online, using words like “child-led” and “family-centered” to the point that parents might have no idea what is actually happening in therapy. Parents, we know it is beyond confusing; experts in the field of feeding kids often express opposite viewpoints, with OTs, SLPs, MDs, RDs, PhDs disagreeing on the best ways to treat pediatric feeding challenges. Consider the following sentiments, from folks in positions of authority. Which is “correct”? Never force your child to eat. You’re the parent, it’s the same as with seat-belts, just make them eat it! If your child gags the puree, scoop...

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